Stranger Danger

This morning, on the way home from dropping my kids off at school, I noticed a boy sitting on the sidewalk beside his bike.  By the way he was holding his leg and looking at his hands, it was obvious he had fallen.  He looked to be about 10, and knowing kids don’t accept help from strangers these days, I drove on.

As I neared my driveway, I looked back to see if he was on his way yet.  He wasn’t, so I pulled a U-turn.  I lowered the passenger window and asked if he was okay.  He said “yeah” though his face said otherwise.  When I asked if he needed help or a band-aid he ignored me and pushed his bike away.

I hope he’s okay and, of course, I don’t take offense to his rejection, but when you’re a well-meaning adult wanting to help a child in need, it’s hard to know that – to them – you’re the big bad STRANGER.

Last spring my daughter was also on her way to school when her shoelace wrapped around her pedal and she crashed her bike.  A man stopped to help, but that scared her even more so she told him she was fine.  Amidst tears, she got herself unwound just as her older sibling came back to check on her.

It’s rather sad that we are taught not to trust.  There’s got to be some way to recognize real stranger danger; some way to keep our kids and ourselves safe without being suspicious of everyone.  Is education or intuition the answer?

Community Involvement

Laundry was a big deal when I was growing up.  The wringer washer required the clothes to be agitated with soap, squeezed through rollers, rinsed in fresh water, then squeezed again.  My mom usually spent two mornings each week doing this, after which she’d lug the heavy baskets of wet clothes out to the clothesline to dry.

Automatic washers and dryers sure save a lot of time!  So do dishwashers, microwaves, blenders, bread makers, computers, and all kinds of other devices that most of us now own.

Many products are even advertised “…so you can spend time on the important things...”  I’d like to know what important things we’re spending our extra time on.  Facebook?

I hope family is number one, but I’d also like to see more volunteering in the community.  Many of us already do, but with all the time we’re saving these days with our helpful doodads, we should be seeing an increase in volunteers, not a decline.

Schools are a great place to start.  We need parents and grandparents to go on field trips, extra help with pizza and sports days, reading mentors, and people to weed our outdoor garden beds, to name a few.  Last year our pancake breakfast and hot dog days were cancelled due to a lack of volunteers.

Healthy schools are at the heart of healthy communities.  With all the time we’re saving now with our fancy gadgets, why not spend that extra time getting involved in something worthwhile?

An End and A Beginning

This is it:  The last week before school starts again.

About this time every year I look back on the summer and wonder where the time went.  Did we do everything we wanted to do?  Did we accomplish our summertime goals?

For me, the first goal of summer is to relax.  Sleeping in.  Hanging out.  Playing together.  Reading alone.  Preparing easy meals.  Not packing school lunches – yay!

Then I think about the things we need to do that are easier to accomplish during the summer, like swim lessons, painting with the windows open, and having garage sales.

The away vacations and leisure activities are bonuses – things to create family memories or write about the first day of school when the teacher assigns the inevitable “What Did You Do This Summer?” essay.

The last few weeks of August take on a life of their own as we prepare to go back to school.  This year I’m determined not to fall into the back to school shopping trap, though sometimes the school supply lists baffle me.  Since when are white-out and reinforcements necessary items?  At least I’m happy to see only twelve pencils listed instead of the sixty they asked for one year in Fort McMurray.  Sixty pencils?  That worked out to more than one a week!

In any case, as the end of summer arrives, another season quickly takes its place.  Funny how that works.

Now what do I want to accomplish this fall?

Laughable Lunches

About this time of year I get tired of making school lunches.  I don’t always make my kids’ lunches myself, but I’m still responsible to have food on hand for them to put together.

Finding lunch options that are healthy, quick, and affordable is an ongoing challenge.  Unfortunately, the food industry doesn’t make it easier for me.

Some choices are obviously bad, like pop, chips, and hotdogs.  But sometimes we think we’re making healthy choices when we’re not.  For example, a regular sandwich is probably made with genetically modified wheat bread, peanut butter (hydrogenated oil and icing sugar), and jam (lots of sugar).  If we choose lunch meat instead there’s usually nitrates and other words I can’t pronounce in those.

“Fruit” snacks have corn syrup and artificial flavours, “juice” boxes are often not juice but “cocktail” or “punch” with added sugar, granola bars are stuck together with oil and corn syrup, yogurt (the tasty, fruity variety) is full of sweeteners, and cheese strings are laden with fat and sodium.

There are healthier options out there, but you really have to search, read labels, or make it yourself.  It’s depressing.  Especially when we learn that “natural flavours” could mean MSG, ground bugs, or other nasty things.

These days, the term “healthy lunch” is laughable.  Only I’m not laughing.  I’m remembering my own school days:  “What’s that smell?  Oh, it’s just Kathryn’s lunch again – sardines on homemade whole wheat.”

I was hoping to spare my kids that, but I’m running out of options.

When To Push

Don’t worry; this article isn’t about childbirth.

It’s about that difficult question:  When do we make someone do something they don’t want to do?  When do we push?  When do we ease up?

Some things are distasteful but necessary – like taking out the garbage or cleaning the toilets.  Some things have to be done.  Some things don’t.

This past week my daughter begged to be home-schooled again.  It was okay with me, but we had to consider what was best for her.  Did she need to work through this?  Did we need to make her stick it out?

I think such decisions require us to ask at least five questions:  1) Is it necessary?  2) Is there an alternative?  3) Is it affecting one’s health?  4) Is it becoming a pattern?  5) What are the possible future consequences and are they acceptable?

Sometimes making a decision is like stepping into the dark.  Sometimes the light doesn’t come on until after we’ve taken that first step.  I found this out 17 years ago.  My fiancé and I were great friends and had the same goals but I was completely miserable when we got engaged.  Breaking it off was hard but right.  I was sad but at peace.

It’s okay to turn around if we find we’re going the wrong way.  In fact, I think it shows wisdom, character, and humility to say, “I was wrong; I need to back up and try something else.”  My mom will be forever grateful her parents pulled her out of boarding school when she was 12.  I’ll be forever grateful I was allowed to quit jazz when I was 15.

Perhaps great leaders choose to motivate, inspire, and invite because really, who likes to be pushed by anyone but ourselves?

Back to School

Kids are already back in school.  Did this summer go by fast, or what?  I’m not ready to tackle that tedious-yet-highly-creative job of packing nutritious, exciting, and delicious lunches again.

I am glad the back to school shopping is over.  Juggling supply lists, clothing lists, grocery lists, and footwear lists (come on shoe manufacturers – don’t you know we need white soles for indoor shoes?) is quite exhausting.  Add in combination locks, boxes of tissue, haircuts, registering, sharpening pencils, and labeling lunchboxes, and I’m about ready for another vacation.

This year we did some back to school shopping at West Edmonton Mall (after we shopped locally, of course).  If you do your back to school shopping there next year, may I remind you of a few things:  wear your most comfortable shoes, park close to the stores you need, and remember to take the roll of loonies out of your purse first.

With all this talk of “back to school” (including my husband who went back to school last year to work on his CMA designation) I’ve started thinking about it myself.

I didn’t go to university after high school.  I went the technical college route – one intense year of 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. classes.  It wasn’t until years later, when we paid off my husband’s student loan, that I realized how nice it was I didn’t have one.  University is an awfully expensive place to “find” yourself.

But I’ve finally thought of something I might enjoy studying at university:  Human Resource Management.  The question is:  Do I have time to go to school while managing the needs of a family of seven?  If only “Human Resource Management” meant food prep, laundry, and back to school shopping, I’d already have my doctorate.

Community Challenge

This will be my last article on bullying.  Thank you to those who have encouraged me and shared their own experiences and insights into this far-reaching topic.

These have been difficult articles to write for a number of reasons: 1) Everyone seems to have an emotional investment in the subject so I felt the need to write sensitively, 2) It’s an expansive topic that has so many angles, many of which I’ve barely scratched the surface, and 3) Since I’m not a perfect parent and love is often the last thing I feel when I see a bully at work, I’ve sometimes felt hypocritical while writing.

But I have learned a lot, and awareness and education was my goal.  As a result of this focus, at family mealtime we now ask each other: “What did you do today to be nice to someone?”

I’m happy to know that local high school students have been working on anti-bullying presentations to be offered to younger students.  Awareness and education are key.  I believe the girls who bullied my daughter were nice girls who didn’t realize they were actually being bullies when they gossiped and excluded.

One of my readers sent a link to a program I think sounds fantastic: http://www.rachelschallenge.org/.  The goal of this program is “…to inspire…and empower every person to create a permanent positive culture change in their school, business and community by starting a chain reaction of kindness and compassion.” (from the Rachel’s Challenge mission statement)

Instead of focusing on the negative (bullying), the idea is to focus on the positive (kindness).  If one person has the courage to reach out in kindness and compassion to someone each day, imagine the difference that person could make.  I can do that!  So can you.

And if you and I can make a difference, just think what a whole community could do.  The question is, are we up to the challenge?

School - The Bully's Arena

Take twenty-five kids, stick them in a room for six hours, five days a week and expect them to get along.  Ah, school!  No wonder this is the place many of us experience our first social difficulties.  Inevitable personality clashes, however, are different from the deliberate meanness of bullying.

There are so many places at school (classrooms, hallways, playgrounds, buses) and so many victims to choose from, it’s no wonder school is a bully’s ideal arena.  Administrators, teachers, and bus drivers (aside from the few who are perpetrators themselves) try hard to curtail bullying.  But we know teachers can’t be everywhere or see everything, so here are a few ideas to help:

1)  Assign partners and seatmates instead of having children choose their own.  The child left without a partner might as well have “next victim” stamped on his forehead.  And varied seatmates can cultivate friendships and tolerance.

2)  Avoid giving students power over other students.  Some students will abuse the power and become bullies, while others will be marked as “teacher’s pet” for future social bullying.

3)  Watch for children who don’t want to go outside at recess, or who linger or bolt at home time.  Find out the reason for their behaviour.

4)  Believe children who complain of bullying and act accordingly.

Parents can help by showing respect for the difficult roles teachers and administrators play and working with them to reduce bullying.

My first experience with a would-be bully was on the school bus.  He wound his fingers through my hair and said he would keep pulling until I swore, which I wouldn’t do.  When my mom learned of this, she called the school.  With the help of administrators, the bus driver, and the boy’s parents, I wasn’t bothered again.

It may be cliché, but working together, we really can make a difference.