Inexperienced Judges

A few weeks ago Harambe, a male gorilla at the Cincinnati Zoo, was shot to save the life of a four year old boy who fell into his enclosure.

While this was a terrible tragedy, I was alarmed at the outcry on social media. Some suggested the gorilla should have been saved at the expense of the child while many others screamed gross parental negligence.

I have a few things to say about that. First, if she took her kids to the zoo, she was trying to be a good mother.

Second, those who don’t have kids don’t get to make judgments about those who do. Unless you babysit regularly or work in a daycare, you simply have no idea how fast and smart and resourceful those little people can be – some more than others. All it takes is one trip to the bathroom, or one glance in the opposite direction. Yes, care-givers need to be vigilant but perfection is impossible. Mistakes happen. Accidents happen.

Those with one child shouldn’t judge those with two, those with two shouldn’t judge those with three, and so forth. Likewise, if you don’t have teenagers, preschool boys, twin girls, or a special needs child, you don’t get to judge those who do.

Here’s a novel idea: Maybe we just shouldn’t judge one another.

That can be hard. For example, I wonder why those who noticed the child go through the fence didn’t grab him by the ankle and hang on. After all, it takes a village – to help, not criticize.

Stranger Danger

This morning, on the way home from dropping my kids off at school, I noticed a boy sitting on the sidewalk beside his bike.  By the way he was holding his leg and looking at his hands, it was obvious he had fallen.  He looked to be about 10, and knowing kids don’t accept help from strangers these days, I drove on.

As I neared my driveway, I looked back to see if he was on his way yet.  He wasn’t, so I pulled a U-turn.  I lowered the passenger window and asked if he was okay.  He said “yeah” though his face said otherwise.  When I asked if he needed help or a band-aid he ignored me and pushed his bike away.

I hope he’s okay and, of course, I don’t take offense to his rejection, but when you’re a well-meaning adult wanting to help a child in need, it’s hard to know that – to them – you’re the big bad STRANGER.

Last spring my daughter was also on her way to school when her shoelace wrapped around her pedal and she crashed her bike.  A man stopped to help, but that scared her even more so she told him she was fine.  Amidst tears, she got herself unwound just as her older sibling came back to check on her.

It’s rather sad that we are taught not to trust.  There’s got to be some way to recognize real stranger danger; some way to keep our kids and ourselves safe without being suspicious of everyone.  Is education or intuition the answer?

Community Involvement

Laundry was a big deal when I was growing up.  The wringer washer required the clothes to be agitated with soap, squeezed through rollers, rinsed in fresh water, then squeezed again.  My mom usually spent two mornings each week doing this, after which she’d lug the heavy baskets of wet clothes out to the clothesline to dry.

Automatic washers and dryers sure save a lot of time!  So do dishwashers, microwaves, blenders, bread makers, computers, and all kinds of other devices that most of us now own.

Many products are even advertised “…so you can spend time on the important things...”  I’d like to know what important things we’re spending our extra time on.  Facebook?

I hope family is number one, but I’d also like to see more volunteering in the community.  Many of us already do, but with all the time we’re saving these days with our helpful doodads, we should be seeing an increase in volunteers, not a decline.

Schools are a great place to start.  We need parents and grandparents to go on field trips, extra help with pizza and sports days, reading mentors, and people to weed our outdoor garden beds, to name a few.  Last year our pancake breakfast and hot dog days were cancelled due to a lack of volunteers.

Healthy schools are at the heart of healthy communities.  With all the time we’re saving now with our fancy gadgets, why not spend that extra time getting involved in something worthwhile?

Community Challenge

This will be my last article on bullying.  Thank you to those who have encouraged me and shared their own experiences and insights into this far-reaching topic.

These have been difficult articles to write for a number of reasons: 1) Everyone seems to have an emotional investment in the subject so I felt the need to write sensitively, 2) It’s an expansive topic that has so many angles, many of which I’ve barely scratched the surface, and 3) Since I’m not a perfect parent and love is often the last thing I feel when I see a bully at work, I’ve sometimes felt hypocritical while writing.

But I have learned a lot, and awareness and education was my goal.  As a result of this focus, at family mealtime we now ask each other: “What did you do today to be nice to someone?”

I’m happy to know that local high school students have been working on anti-bullying presentations to be offered to younger students.  Awareness and education are key.  I believe the girls who bullied my daughter were nice girls who didn’t realize they were actually being bullies when they gossiped and excluded.

One of my readers sent a link to a program I think sounds fantastic: http://www.rachelschallenge.org/.  The goal of this program is “…to inspire…and empower every person to create a permanent positive culture change in their school, business and community by starting a chain reaction of kindness and compassion.” (from the Rachel’s Challenge mission statement)

Instead of focusing on the negative (bullying), the idea is to focus on the positive (kindness).  If one person has the courage to reach out in kindness and compassion to someone each day, imagine the difference that person could make.  I can do that!  So can you.

And if you and I can make a difference, just think what a whole community could do.  The question is, are we up to the challenge?