When To Push

Don’t worry; this article isn’t about childbirth.

It’s about that difficult question:  When do we make someone do something they don’t want to do?  When do we push?  When do we ease up?

Some things are distasteful but necessary – like taking out the garbage or cleaning the toilets.  Some things have to be done.  Some things don’t.

This past week my daughter begged to be home-schooled again.  It was okay with me, but we had to consider what was best for her.  Did she need to work through this?  Did we need to make her stick it out?

I think such decisions require us to ask at least five questions:  1) Is it necessary?  2) Is there an alternative?  3) Is it affecting one’s health?  4) Is it becoming a pattern?  5) What are the possible future consequences and are they acceptable?

Sometimes making a decision is like stepping into the dark.  Sometimes the light doesn’t come on until after we’ve taken that first step.  I found this out 17 years ago.  My fiancé and I were great friends and had the same goals but I was completely miserable when we got engaged.  Breaking it off was hard but right.  I was sad but at peace.

It’s okay to turn around if we find we’re going the wrong way.  In fact, I think it shows wisdom, character, and humility to say, “I was wrong; I need to back up and try something else.”  My mom will be forever grateful her parents pulled her out of boarding school when she was 12.  I’ll be forever grateful I was allowed to quit jazz when I was 15.

Perhaps great leaders choose to motivate, inspire, and invite because really, who likes to be pushed by anyone but ourselves?

Crash Course in Homeschooling

The 2011-2012 school year officially ends this week.  But it ended a month ago for my homeschooled daughter.  Working at your own pace is one of the benefits of homeschool.

Throughout the year, whenever I mentioned homeschooling, the reactions and comments were varied:  “Why? Children need to socialize!”  “Good for you. I wish I had the patience for that.”  “I homeschooled once; best thing I ever did for my son.”

It took me a while to figure it out, but there are different kinds of homeschooling.  First, there’s “home-educating”, which is basically a philosophy that children will learn at their own pace when presented with learning opportunities.  This type of educating works best when parents are dedicated and plan to teach their children at home indefinitely.  This wasn’t for me.

Instead, we chose a blended program of homeschooling which means my daughter was doing the same curriculum as those attending school, simply doing it at home.  “Blended” means I was her teacher for some of the courses (music, foods, textiles, art, and religion) and she had other teachers for her core subjects.  She could email, fax, call, or instant message those teachers if she needed help that I couldn’t provide, and they were in charge of marking her tests and assignments.  E-lives even presented regular virtual classroom experiences with other children.

Homeschooling isn’t for everyone but it can be a great alternative for various reasons.  I was relieved when my daughter approached me about homeschooling this year.  I was suffering from post-partum anxiety so it was a relief to have her home with me.  I helped her; she helped me.  That’s what family is for.  Now that she’s had a break from pre-teen social fickleness, she’s ready to go back.

Thank you homeschool.

Bullying Awareness

Last Wednesday, people across Canada supported Pink Shirt Day to send the message:  Stop Bullying.

I found this Pink Shirt Day rather ironic since my daughter was teased last year for wearing a pink shirt to school.  They called her a girly-girl and a goody-goody.  They told her where she could or couldn’t sit and whispered secrets about her.  She was too sweet and shocked to stick up for herself, so the emotional bullying began.

Some might argue that this wasn’t real bullying because she wasn’t hurt physically.  However, bullying is defined as “an act of repeated aggressive behavior in order to intentionally hurt another person, physically or mentally.  Bullying behavior may include name calling, verbal or written abuse, exclusion from activities, exclusion from social situations, physical abuse, or coercion.”

These little pin-pricks inflicted on my daughter over time became a big deal.  She began to have anxiety attacks at night and dreaded going to school.  As a result, she’s being homeschooled this year.

Now we’ve worn our pink shirts, listened to the news, and become brilliantly aware that bullying is a problem.  What’s next?

I don’t know.  There doesn’t seem to be a clear or easy solution to the problem, but the first step, I believe, is to really understand the issue.

Who or what creates bullies?  What causes some kids to be picked on more than others?  Where is the line between normal childish behavior and bullying?  Can parents and other adults really do anything about it?  Has bullying always been a problem that we are simply more aware of now?

Over the next few weeks I plan to look for the answers to these questions.  I’m no expert, but I am a concerned parent and citizen who can research, ask, listen, and write.  Since awareness is the start of a solution, that’s where I’ll begin.