Scary Jeans

In honour of Halloween, I will write about something else I find disturbing.  Skinny jeans.

The first time I saw them I sighed.  I knew that this fashion – the painted-on look – was one I would not touch.  Some people don’t care how they look in certain styles – they just wear whatever they want – but I’m not one of those people.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m not a twig so I have no intention of squeezing myself into such pants and inflicting pain on myself and those who see me in them.  That’s okay.  I’m at a place in my life where I can wear my boot-cut or straight-leg jeans and say pooh-pooh to particular fashions.

My daughters, however, do care about the latest styles.  When I take them shopping and we have trouble finding trendy jeans that will fit them, what do they think?  That they’re fat.

This upsets me.  My husband is 6’4” and I’m 5’8”.  Petite doesn’t run in our family, but even when I was totally skinny at 125 pounds, I still had to buy XL pants and queen-size pantyhose.

I don’t get it.

We spend time convincing women and girls that they are beautiful “just the way they are”.  We expend energy promoting self-esteem and healthy body image.  We explain that models in magazines are airbrushed and altered.

Then we allow skinny jeans and short-shorts to take over.  I thought we had smartened up and left the era of super skinny being the norm, but I guess we’re back.

It’s scarier than Halloween.

Celebration Times

We just finished two of my favourite holidays, Valentine’s Day and Family Day.  Two days to celebrate love and togetherness.  I can get on board with that.  I just wonder who decided to put them so close on the calendar.  Why not spread the love throughout the year?

I know some holidays are anniversaries of historic dates – like Canada Day and Remembrance Day – that shouldn’t be changed, but why do we have to stick to dates chosen centuries ago for strange reasons?

Like Halloween.  I’d rather not pretend that spirits have easier access to the mortal world on October 31^st and choose a bright, warm day for a dress-up party so we don’t need to fit costumes over snowsuits.

A few extra holidays would also be nice, like in January.  New Years hardly counts.  It’s more a day to recover from the night before and mourn the end of the holiday season.  We need a “We Made It Through January Day” at the end of the month.

It would make more sense and foster national unity if all the provinces celebrated holidays on the same day and everyone had the option of taking those days off work.

I’m glad we celebrate Thanksgiving at harvest time rather than as a kickoff to the Christmas season.  And even though Jesus wasn’t born on December 25^th, I think observing His birthday then is a nice way to end the year.

It sure is great to have so many things to celebrate!

Sweet Nothings

Oh goody, it’s that time of year again:  the day we celebrate evil and high blood sugar.

Every year I scratch my head and wonder why people find the day appealing.  My husband says it promotes community spirit.  I hope so.  I can see the fun of dressing up and pretending, but I can’t believe people actually buy blood-spattered chainsaws and horrific masks in the name of good clean fun or community spirit.

Then there’s the sugar.  Studies have shown that refined sugar suppresses the immune system and can make us more susceptible to colds and flu.  Of course, other studies have supposedly disproven this.  All I know is that Halloween seems to be a great kick-off to flu season and my kids are more likely to get sick when they’ve been sitting in piles of mini chocolate bars, lollipops, and bubble gum.

I used to encourage my children to make their Halloween candy last until Christmas – or longer – thinking that a little sugar each day wouldn’t be so bad.  I’ve changed my mind.  Maybe I’m a sucker but I’d rather have them binge on Halloween night, throw up if necessary, and be done with it.  One heavy night for the pancreas and then back to normal.

Then there’s the hyperactivity – another theory that has been poo-hooed and discarded.  Maybe I should see if those discrediting scientists want to babysit my kids the day after Halloween.

Sorry.  I wasn’t planning to treat you to a sour anti-Halloween tirade but I guess it’s a day that brings out the best in me (and so many others).

I actually planned to enjoy Halloween this year – even started putting together costumes back in August.  But try as I might, I can’t sugar-coat it.  There’s pretty much nothing I find sweet about Halloween.

Blood: A Love-Hate Relationship

There’s something I find even scarier than Halloween.  Blood.

Red, thick, oozing, warm – there’s something about it that makes me feel weak.  And queasy.  And then my brain goes fuzzy…and…

Okay, I’m back.  I am grateful for my blood.  It keeps me warm and pink and – alive – which is a good thing.  Usually our blood is kept nicely hidden, concealed in veins, arteries, and capillaries where I don’t need to think about it.  It’s when it comes out of those places that I have a problem.

Maybe it’s not the blood I dislike but those sharp things used to take it from me.

Why do I hate needles so much?  Blood tests don’t really hurt.  It must be the sensation of the tourniquet, the fist squeezing, the vein locating, the disinfecting…

Oh no.  Deep breaths.  Head down.  Head between the knees.  I can’t bend that far!

I’ve tried thinking positive thoughts.  Once I made it halfway through the test, sitting in a plastic lab chair with my arm outstretched.  Then everything went gray.  Suddenly the black, skid-proof mat on the floor looked awfully comfortable.

Now I don’t even try to be brave.  I walk straight into the clinic and announce, “I need to lie down.”  As soon as the technician comes into the room with her tray of evil equipment, I look the other way and start singing Amazing Grace.

My brilliant brother-in-law, the PhD, has the same problem I do.  He was told that it was due to a medical condition affecting individuals of higher intelligence.  Yup, that must be it.

If you don’t have a problem with blood and needles, I hope you know how lucky you are.  Please donate regularly.  To those who share my aversion to blood, may I suggest learning the words to Amazing Grace?

Ghosts and Goblins or Gratitude

The boxes of candy treats have been in stores for a month. Why do they put them out so early? So I will buy them thinking I’m ahead of the game, eat them all, and have to buy more?

Now that the decorations and masks have joined the lollipops and bubble gum, I can no longer ignore the fact that Halloween is on its way. Still, I try to avoid the aisles where the mini chocolate bars tantalize me and gruesome masks peer out over the tops of leering skeletons.

No, I’m not a fan of Halloween. I don’t mind happy Halloween, but I don’t like scary, disgusting Halloween.

When I take my children trick-or-treating, there are some houses they are afraid to go near. One year a live spirit drifted back and forth on a front porch; other yards have zombies coming out of graves.

Isn’t Halloween mainly for children? Why do we want to scare them so? It should be a time for our wee ones to get creative and dress up in fun costumes, have some treats, and play some games – not a time to stock up on enough nightmare material to last the coming year.

I like Halloween better now that the fall time change takes place in November. Things aren’t quite so scary in the daylight.

At least for the next week I will try to push thoughts of Halloween out of my mind and concentrate on a holiday I can fully appreciate: Thanksgiving. The autumn harvest decorations are so much more pleasant than the Halloween ones, cheerful and rustic, reminding us of our plentiful blessings. Happy Thanksgiving!